Happy belated New Year! The general theme for this edition of our newsletter is Health and Wellness. We have focused on areas of particular interest to us individually and hope that you find our musings helpful in fostering a sense of wellbeing and happiness.
Choosing Happiness
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
It's a crisp January day as I write this. New Year. New President. Out with the old...and all of that. It seems like a good time to re-calibrate, get on track and set a course for the year to come. I've been thinking a lot lately about intention, and the role of intention in maintaining health and happiness. Not in a New Year's resolution, I'm-going-to-hit-the-gym-7-days-a-week type thing, but more realistically about choice and intentionally choosing how we want our lives to be.
Our last newsletter focused on the out of control feeling of stress, and its impact on physical and psychological wellbeing. Unlike a lot of forces in life, our intentions are fully in our control and drive our experiences of stressful situations.
Think of a truly happy person you know......okay, a mostly happy person.... and I'll bet you can identify in that person a mindset that embraces generosity, positivity and rejects negative judgments of himself/herself and others. What you are identifying is the power of intentionally choosing happiness.
When people make a commitment to happiness, it's not an accident that they feel more engaged and present. It's that "being in the moment" thing we always hear about. Without such a choice or intention to be consciously happy, we can feel as if we're stumbling from one event to another, just reacting to life, getting depressed in our relationships and taking fleeting moments of joy when we can get them.
In my work as a couples therapist, I've studied research into what makes relationships "happy." Recent studies from the University of Michigan show that an unhappy marriage can compromise our immune systems, increasing our chances of getting sick by 35% , and can even shorten life by an average of 4 years. Yikes! On the flip side, "happily" married people live longer, healthier lives than "unhappily" married people. It is probably no surprise to learn that couples who work on their relationship by intentionally cultivating and maintaining a positive view of each other report much greater satisfaction with their relationship.
The theme of intention and choice is one that I return to personally and professionally when there are clear windows of opportunity to do things differently: to act instead of react, to set goals instead of putting out fires, and to cultivate appreciation and a spirit of generosity.
In the spirit of setting your intention, ask yourself, "What attitude will I choose that will make this situation/experience/day/week the best that it can be?"
Stay tuned....
Happiness is not a matter of events; it depends upon the tides of the mind.-Alice Meynell
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Note to Self: HELP! "No matter when you adopt a helping lifestyle, your wellbeing will improve. Generous behavior is closely associated with reduced risk of illness and mortality and lower rates of depression. Even more remarkable, giving is linked to traits that undergird a successful life, such as social competence, empathy, and positive emotion." --Stephen Post, PhD, Why Good Things Happen to Good People |
Quick Links
"Generosity brings happiness at every stage of its expression. We experience joy in forming the intention to be generous. We experience joy in the actual act of giving something. And we experience joy in remembering the fact that we have given." --The Buddha |
Healing and You
by Suzanne Silberstein, MA
The new year is a time when people consider making changes - we get a new calendar, a chance for a fresh start, and perhaps even an expectation of improvement. However, the instinct to change comes from within, and it may come at any time.
In terms of our own health and wellness, there is an unspoken understanding that we will listen to ourselves and our bodies. We don't go to a healthcare provider on a certain day; we go when we feel something inside - physically or emotionally. As a therapist, my job is to help people listen to themselves and guide them on their own unique path to well-being.
How do geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans, know when it is time to move on? As with migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within, if only we would listen to it, that tells us so certainly when to go forth into the unknown.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
As I read this quote, I reflected on the journey of therapy - learning to listen to the voice within, and knowing when to dive into the unknown... Facing our wounds, old and new, can be terrifying. Healing is what we want, but the familiar can be so comfortable.
It takes such courage to face the dark places that bring us healing, making room for emotional and spiritual growth. This is a process I am honored to witness and collaborate on as a therapist. I am humbled by the work my clients do in my presence.
In The Courage to Heal, by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, they discuss one of stages of healing: trusting yourself. "The best guide for healing is your own inner voice. Learning to trust your own perceptions, feelings, and intuitions forms a new basis for action in the world."
Although it is only February, the sun has been shining like it's springtime - a new season, a time of change. As I perused some springtime rituals, most were related to symbols of new life. Perhaps there is always new life within us waiting to blossom? When you listen carefully, ask yourself: is it time for change?
Suzanne Silberstein is a Marriage & Family Therapist Registered Intern #55952, supervised by Sinead Smyth, LMFT. MFC # 36400
De-energizing Fear: A Path to Wellness
I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning how to sail my ship."
-Louisa May Alcott
Samurai warriors were unquestionably some of the fiercest fighters in human history. The key to the samurai's astounding fighting aptitude was the complete elimination of their fear of death through spiritual practice and their absolute total focus on being in the present moment. They de-energized their fear of death through a code called Bushido. In particular, through Zen, a school of Buddhism, they were taught to "know thyself" and not to limit themselves.
The Samurai used Bushido as a tool to drive out fear, unsteadiness, and errors. These things could get him killed. If a person in a threatening situation is distracted by fear of injury or death, he would be defeated. Samurai warriors were unencumbered by these fears and showed courage in the face of the unknown. In short, their fearlessness empowered them, allowing them to focus completely, react appropriately, and stay in the present moment. They fought without hesitation and with complete confidence.
Although it is safe to say that you're unlikely to face the same challenges as a Samurai warrior, you can still strive for emotional well-being using the same concept of de-energizing fear.
It is essential to understand that you always have a choice about how to respond to and deal with fear. You can concede to it, struggle with it, accept it, or work with it. How you chose to deal with fear varies in consideration of what is most helpful for you.
When dealing with fear, it is important to know that all fears are not created equal. The effects of fear are real -- even if the perceived threat is not or a situation is perceived in a disproportional, dysfunctional fashion. One acronym for FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear emanates from perceptions and attitudes that stimulate certain brain chemicals, which in turn send dramatic physical messages out to the body about how it should react. These physiological emotions can be both difficult and dangerous in the immediate sense, and damaging to your health in the not-so-long-term.
It is vital that we stay conscious when fearful, rather than caving in to the negative energy of fear. Dr. Judith Orloff, M.D., urges us to break the trance of fear. She advises us to de-energize our fear to move forward along our path towards a vibrant life. In her book, Positive Energy, she tells us that "...fear is the biggest energy thief there is. A master seducer and gigantic source of negative energy, fear shamelessly robs of us of everything good and powerful, preys on our vulnerabilities." She offers some techniques to help de-energize fear:
- Identify your fears, so they can't surprise and entangle you. Don't censor yourself. Let all the fears come up to surface. Afterwards, thank the fear for sharing itself. Then, willfully lean into your heart by facing your fear from a compassionate perspective. Try to replace fear with faith by assuring yourself you will be supported and not deserted.
- Understand that fear can be a gift in situations that may put you at real risk. Listen to your intuition. Trustworthy intuitions are neutral, compassionate, or convey information. You can feel them on an instinctual level. They never assault your sense of self.
- Fears don't hold merit if the content is demeaning or cruel, and lacks the clarity of feeling "on target". But if you find yourself listening to the same old fears in your head of such as, "I'm not good enough. I'm not thin or smart enough," these fears must be questioned.
- Another technique that helps is spiritual practice. Sometimes fear just grips you and won't let go. You do everything right. You identify the fear. You consciously review your feelings and perceptions. But you just can't let them go. During these times, meditation or prayer may help you.
- Make a gratitude list. A gratitude list helps to keep you focused on what you can be happy and thankful for in the present moment. It changes your mood from one of anxiety and scarcity to one of hopefulness, excitement, and contentment. The most important benefit of this exercise is the powerful way in which gratitude can shift your "doom and gloom" perspective immediately to one where you begin to see all the abundance that's already in your life. It is a great way to energize positivity in your life.
- Don't take in other people's fears. Learn to distinguish between your fears and those of people around you. This step involves creating physical and/or mental boundaries between you and another person's emotional energies.
Some other helpful techniques include:
- Focusing on the now verses the future. When you are fearful of something, it is in the future. In Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now, he stresses there is only one moment, one time, and it is now. There is no future except to the mind (and no past, either). There is only right now. As a matter of fact, you can say there is no time at all. Just now, ever present, infinite now. And this simple fact may provide relief. If you are experiencing fear about paying your mortgage, or meeting the demands of your job, or anything for that matter, all you have to do is remember there is no future, there is only now.
- Exercise metaphors to help you let go. Molly Gordon, a certified coach for entrepreneurs, offers one such image: "Envision unsupported fears as hot air balloons. Once we grab hold of them, we are flung all over the countryside, terrified, out of control, anxious and powerless. Yet we fail to notice that no one forced us to grab onto the balloon in the first place. How would it be to stay put, safe on the ground, while the balloons go off on their merry, scary way? If this image captures your imagination, play with it. Next time you have a fear attack, imagine a big hot air balloon touching down near you. Notice how tempting it is to grab on (or even to climb into) the basket, and then see yourself deciding to let it go. Watch the balloon careening over the landscape, while you remain, safe and sound, on the ground."
- Yoga and/or exercise that teaches breathing and relaxation. Fear and stress share a strong physiological base. In simple terms, there are two types of fear: unfounded and real. Real fear mobilizes your body for survival and performance. You become focused and your body utilizes adrenaline to sharpen your perception and prepare you for flight or fight. On the other hand, unsubstantiated vague fear paralyzes us and prevents action. Deep breathing techniques help slow us down by pushing negative energy out of your system. With this technique, your adrenal glands get a moment to relax, your heart calms down, and your breathing slows, all of which de-energize fear and stress.
By de-energizing fear, you calm your body and mind. You are no longer vulnerable to the negative energy of undefined or unsubstantiated fear. By practicing consciousness and self-compassion, you open yourself up to new possibilities. You may even invite a new insight or a new burst of inspiration about your life and life situations.
Dr. Teena Scovis-Weston
Psychotherapeutic Methods for Pain Management
After our first newsletter, we decided that six pages was a bit much for an email, so we have broken up this newsletter into individual articles. If you wish to read the articles written by my colleagues, there are links to their material below. In addition, you can find our archived newsletters on our website through the Quick Links section.
There are many aspects to total well being. One important aspect is physical comfort throughout your body. Unfortunately, physical comfort is not always available and physical discomfort or pain is present.
Pain is deeper than all thought; laughter is higher than all pain." -Elbert Hubbart
Physical pain does have a purpose; it is a warning system for the body. The warning system's intention is to bring focus to an area of the body that may need immediate attention. This warning system in our bodies should be respected. However, as with many systems, it can break down, generating problems of daily physical problems and/or disease.
One in every four Americans suffers from some type of physical pain that is a result of the body's warning system malfunctioning. Like most systems it can be repaired - 90% of physical pain is treatable. If you are someone in physical pain, pain treatment may help you understand your pain and specifically how it affects your life. Appropriate treatment holds the potential to help you understand your strengths, and the limits generated by your pain. This understanding can provide moments of comfort and/or significant ongoing pain relief, which contributes to your quality of life.
Psychotherapeutic methods can help you notice a pleasurable moment that could facilitate physical comfort, and help you enjoy your life more. Clients who use such techniques as guided imagery, relaxation, hypnosis, mindfulness, sleep enhancement strategies, and cognitive behavioral therapy find great success in decreasing physical pain; often they can completely alleviate it.
Psychotherapeutic methods aid with the following types of pain:
- Pre- and post-operative
- Dental
- Back
- Sports injury
- Labor
- Chronic
- Terminal illness
- Degenerative
- Aches of an aging body
If you are interested in receiving the benefits of enhancing your ability to manage physical pain through psychotherapeutic methods, please call me for a consultation. If you are looking for comfort and relief, our discussion could provide you with some.
Be Well and Take Good Care,
Elizabeth